Who moved?

Well my fellow followers, you haven't been getting much blogging from me lately, I'm actually surprised I am blogging right now. After many days of contemplating giving up on my blog I figured I might as well do a "fare-well" post to all of you, so I'm not just leaving y'all in the dust. Or maybe not, there might come a time when I want to blog again. Who knows?

But anyways, I have had many topics I wanted to blog about, but once I was done writing them, it felt something was missing. Like those drafts didn't seem real and dear to me. (I'm sorry if none of this is making sense to any of you) so, at 9:30 at night, while I was in the middle of doing my Spanish and jamming out to some "we the kings", I decided to just grab my iPad, and blog about the first thing that comes to mind. And that thing would be Jesus.

I have always been tight with the big man from above, but I feel like my relationship with God has grown stronger this year, well, up until about a month ago. You see, I shared something with two friends of mine, that I haven't told anyone ever before, and ever since that night, I feel different. Now I don't want to bore anyone with the details, so I'm not going to explain what I shared, but what I can say, is that i was/am growing apart from God.

All the signs were there, I was getting mad for no reason, I stopped reading the bible, I was sharing less and less in my youth group every week, and I was getting jealous of my friends when they talked about how close they are to God.

"if you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved?"

I guess I just didnt want to think about the bad times I had, the problems I was delt with. I didn't want to solve anything because that ment that I would have to talk about my feelings, I guess I just wanted to go through the motions, and not talk about my problems. But what I didn't realize is that in order for me to do that, I would have to risk my relationship with God.

I know, it's terrible. I know some of you may think I was having unchristian-like actions, and I was, but you have to understand, when you are lost, and confused, you do strange things. You act out. You avoid problems. But then as I was having all of this occurring, the Lord never stopped trying to send me messages.
"let your walls fall to the ground, there is freedom waiting in the sound, where the light meets the dark" this was a song lyric from the first song that played in my pandora. After that I decided, I need a change.

Then I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down a vow. I vowed to read the bible every night, to listen to just Christian radio for 30 days, and to get in contact with a few lovely people I had been distant from. I decided these things will bring my closer to God, and help set me straight.

I need to make a change in order to become the person I want to be.
"I ain't no angel I still got a few more dances with the devil I’m cleaning up my act little by little I’m getting there I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get But I’m better than I used to be" <3

Ps: sorry for the lengthy blog!